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Cape Cod, United States
__I see with young eyes, an old mirror. Here, I hope to offer... as I see.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Water Face

_I scribbled a short story years ago: At the native clan's summer camp, a Mahican child saw his reflection in the river's pool; through accumulated summers, the river's pool never changed... but his face never stopped... . This sedoka, (some may not call it that,) as a condensation of that story, was posted on 11/11/07 at http://www.wonderhaikuworlds.com/ .
_Janice's most recent post "reflected" this memory... though now, it has become somewhat "edited."

of this river pool
a mahican sees his face
in its roaming course

of that water face
this child of spirits reasons
he may never know

7 comments:

Devika said...

Good one, Magyar
Most Indian rivers are wastelands in summer- just pools of sand,

not familiar with the forms you say...but made an enjoyable read :)

wishes,
devika

Janice Thomson said...

I very much like this Magyar - such a delightful and evocative example of permanence and impermanence.
I am not familiar with sedoka but would definitely like to try one...

Tikkis said...

Sedoka - Katauta (Mondo).
I see those as early wakas (nowadays a waka is called tanka.)

As two katautas in Japan were 5-7-7 and two of those katautas was a sedoka? Was that so?

Putting them together just leaving one 7-syllable line away: a waka. (Tanka!)?

Anyway 'inside' the other languages it is always not so wise to count all syllables, I think.

Katautas were separate love-poems, and when the first writer got an answer = sedoka?

Nupi wiyon (Water + moon in Mohegan)

Water moon --
You are my friend
in this camp?

- A long comment, but I was so excited !-)

Magyar said...

Thanks all, and Tikkis... remember I said above -somewhat "edited"-?

The original posting at WHW was written in 5-7-7 format, I pared away a few words.

In -North Western- Connecticut one segment of the M o hicans were referred to as M a hicans, and the river I saw? the Housatonic.

Gillena writes Sedoka... very well.
_m

Dalloway said...

this is delightful.. I particularly like a japanese art form telling a Mahican story

polona said...

interesting, the things that inspire us...
i very much like this

RBroeker said...

Sedoka and mahican - I don't know more then the names and some subtitles. But you made me curious. Strong image!

Best wishes
Ralf