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Cape Cod, United States
__I see with young eyes, an old mirror. Here, I hope to offer... as I see.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

__I honored her struggle; it was so very important to me, due to a similar situation that occurred in my very immediate family. I tried to think as she might have thought, and thus, this short view was written in 1985, just prior Karen Ann Quinlin's  final breath. Now I repeat it as haibun.

__Fifteen years I've looked out of my window, I, the sentry of mortality... watching and listening, and wondering. Why?
__Reasoning, judgement, and my involuntary breathing all converge in a clutter of echoes that linger in my hollownness. I can't feed the birds that I imagine visit me, or whisk away those flies that offend by leaving their specs on my brow. I can't wipe away my tears, or scratch that ugly itch in the small of my back, or clear my clowded throat. In this stony siege, there is so little that I can, and so much... that I cannot.
__Those looking in, insult me with their thoughts of pity, but I can't argue my displeasure or spit out my words of fury. I try to speak,  but the sound's path is blocked, and the only reward for my struggle are these lonely tears... in the sour corners of each eye.
__Gaping through this glass they watch me wither. These gazers... see me as themselves, and I their proxy, signify their anger as they approach their own Act Three. Locked in their desolation, that inescapable tunnel, they voice my voiceless wrath as they search for their own eternal and infinate survival. Their rage, in facing their own life's truth... peaks, as they watch and realize my bizarre existance. They do not see.

__Looking out, in leaving... I shall remain; I wonder why I see... what they cannot?

in leaving
I shall remain


Devika said...

i can say, i do see....
and any sensible and sensitive human being can see-- because such is existence everywhere..though i didn't know you had such a difficult, bizarre existence,

Karen Ann Quinlin-- went to read about her -- Euthansia has become controversial again in India recently - it sounds bizarre that my right to life doesn't guarantee my right to end my life...complex; contradictory views - life ought to be in its natural state and find its eventual death,

but the haiku, i'm not very sure of still - may be because i don't think it's important to be remembered, as much as it is live a life to the best of one's ability,

anyway, good read Magyar,


Devika said...

**Euthanasia -

Devika said...

Oh a gross mistake...."I tried to think as she might have thought" -- i missed that while reading the haibun,

just a fine read, then :)


Lorraine said...

in heaven you will see all Love all - and it shall be returned, you can never be we will all see each other again

joanne said...

her struggle was (and is still) important... to all of us.

thank you for this... for diving in to a painful place and bringing back words to share... for me, when we are willing to step out of our own skin and experience ourselves as another... this is empathy. this is compassion. this is dignity.


Anonymous said...

And, we have remembered.

Timoteo said...

This all works so powerfully together. BRAVO!

TALON said...

This made me cry, Doug. I can't help but imagine that what she felt and thought was like you write so amazingly. My Mother-in-law (she passed away 3 years ago in September) suffered permanent brain damage from six ruptured aneurisms in 1980 and became a pale shadow of the remarkable woman she was. And I could never shake the feeling that inside somewhere beyond the damage she was screaming to get out.

John McDonald said...

well done M

Ralf Bröker said...

Especially that part which shows the suffering itself impressed me a lot. I like the final haiku, but to me this one is great, too. Perhaps even greater:

I can't feed the birds
that I imagine
visit me

Best wishes

John McDonald said...

good stuuf here M

Magyar said...

Hello, my friends!
Two things:
1, __It seems there was a system problem with my blog this week...
and I had no access. Now? All is well.
2, __Just home from the pond... to
say hello, and offer my thanks to you all!

__Joanne, welcome! I made a visit and comment at your nice blog-space... but it didn't record. (#1 above, I think) I'll re-visit!
__'Till tomorrow night! _m

Gillena Cox said...

yes Doug; we were all part of Blogger's system servicing; so happy our access was returned to us quickly
your revisit to Karen Ann Quinlin(i googled her) is sensetive and compassionate

much love...

Judie said...

I believe that the people who wanted Karen Ann to go on living were disgustingly selfish. Let this little bird out of its cage so it can soar off into the heavens and be free!