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Cape Cod, United States
__I see with young eyes, an old mirror. Here, I hope to offer... as I see.

Friday, October 23, 2009

__I haven't the credentials to suppose I know the form of Sedoka, I can only rely on my opinion; six lines, both the first and second triplets quite able to be read as haiku/senryu, and as linked... the whole, a complete feeling. I think the structure of 5-7-7 , 5-7-7... is subject to the same English syllable minimalism as haiku and senryu.
_m

a forest trail
dry leaves whisper my steps
beechnuts
this deer runs
and spews fog above its nose
stillness

8 comments:

Devika said...

I don't know any technicalities of forms in poetry....

But it brings a very nice, serene forest scene to my mind....a scene i myself would love to walk...and it took me through to a good extent....thats enough for the reader in me :)

Good one, Magyar :)

wishes,
devika

Lorraine said...

Stunning...i have no credentials, I just know, feel beauty...

John McDonald said...

love it

Kristin Riggs said...

Don't know about the technical aspect, but I do know that I LOVE it (if that counts for anything, my friend). It's terrific, _m. :)

-KR

Ashi said...

Wonderful Magyar.
A hunter friend of mine think this is to be there himself.

a forest trail
dry leaves whisper
stillness

Cindybrown said...

I love it!! You can just see!! Great as always!!

Magyar said...

___I thank you all for your kind comments! And please... scribble your own sedoka, and experiment with the building of an English form!
_m

Nana Fredua-Agyeman said...

I haven't heard this form before. I thought it was Tanka until I saw your text. Thanks for the introduction to Sedoka.