Sneeze

Departure: number 2. A Saturday night two summers ago; an observation, with apologies to those that may find my view, offensive.


I really wanted asparagus tonight. Steamed. Barely cooked, bright, crisp and lightly doused with a lemon butter sauce and a light dusting of freshly ground pepper.
__I stood patiently waiting for a shopper to make her choice. Aha... which bundle of asparagus would suit her purpose? Then it happened, she sneezed_! Once! Twice, and a third time, each sneeze a direct hit to those dazzling greens_!
__Suddenly the pre-packaged green beans definitely seemed more appetizing, and certainly a more practical option; the same sauce would do nicely.
__Going about my business, I collected a few potatoes and the unsalted butter, a lemon, pork chops, and a few other essentials needed for the evening's picnic. Too, I remembered those small packets of kleenex Kathy requested; I checked out.
__Once outside, I lit my -pipe- and from behind me came the roar! "Oh yuk! Phew! Cigarette smoke! P.U.! That stinks! You are polluting MY air!."
__Guiltily, I stuck my pipe in my pocket, and snapped my head back to see that person frantically waving her hand in front of her puckered face, whisking away that fictitious fluid cloud of smoke that she insisted had completely enveloped her!
__"Oh, I'm so sorry!" I said. Reaching into my bag I found one of those kleenex packets, and handing her a pouch; I continued, "when next you need to sneeze, you might think of using one of these, and perhaps you might even consider turning your head away? And oh, I do so hope you enjoy your asparagus."
__I stepped away from that look of confusion and bursting disbelief, those wordless questions that suddenly wrapped her self-assured face, a face now seemingly so... unaware.
__Puffing, and guiltily boorish as she may have reasoned, I inwardly smiled and enjoyed my grand lapse of civility... I slid away, further and more deeply into my depraved elation. Ah... such splendid vengeance.

None of the elite purists, with their favored agendas, are so chaste and over-rich in their own virtue, that some benefit can't be realized by a terse, and timely observation.
_m